I really try to be upbeat especially to conquer the Winter blues but yesterday was really emotionally draining. I try to be tough and act like things don't bother me but it's hard when you feel like you're being defeated in things that you're doing. I am the type of person who loves to help people. I can't bare the thought of someone having ill feelings towards me. I try not to care what people think but that little monster always creeps back up in the corners of my mind. Why I'm a little down is I'm trying to help...we'll say a group of people...but they are not viewing it that way and they perceive me and everyone around them as the enemy. I feel like my intentions have been misconstrued and that my character is under attack. I feel defeated and that I want to give up. In the past we've always moved so if conflict(which I try to avoid at all costs) comes my way I always knew that we would be moving soon but now that we have a house I'm here to stay. My mind and gut is saying RETREAT and RUN but my heart is saying YOU CARE TOO MUCH TO LET IT GO. How do you help someone that doesn't want to be helped. I wonder if the the Savior ever felt defeated in his efforts to bless people's lives. I wonder if he ever questioned if what he was doing was going to make a difference or if he wondered if he was overstepping his bounds.
I have a very blessed life, beautiful children and an amazing husband. He understands me better than I will admit. So, this is an odd request...kinda need a morale booster. If you have any funny stories or memorable moments with me I could sure be reminded of those. I just need to know if I've made a difference at all. Sometimes we go about life and wonder if we're making a difference. Where do we fit in the grand scheme of things? People struggle through out life and it's nice to know that when you're down you have a cheering section to lift you.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Have I done any good in the world today?
at 9:16 AM
Labels: random thoughts
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19 Special Comments:
I was praying to God for comfort and before I could even say amen, the phone rang. It was you! After just 15 minutes of talking, I received that comfort and I'm very grateful. Also, you're my sister and that is the biggest blessing. We are sealed together and that makes me very happy! I love you, little Debbie. Also, guess what? You know the answer to that one! :)
I love serving in Young Womens with you. I enjoy the time we spend doing that. Most of all I enjoy our time that we can talk about all other stuff. When I need to vent about being a new mom or hubby stuff you are always there with great advice and many laughs. It is very nice to have a friend that I can confide in, one that wont judge me. I appreciate all that you do for me. Dont beat yourself up over this. You are trying your best. You are a great person and soon those group of people will realize and appreciate the help you have given them.
I don't really have any memories of you, but let me tell you something I told Brandon yesterday. I was telling him what I might like to do with my life other than being a Mom. I told him that I think I really want to become a writer. I have heard from many people including you that I should do it. I said to my husband "Deb Murdock told me the other day that I should become a writer. If she is telling me to do it, maybe I should." Morale of my story is, I think you are very smart, kind, and giving woman. I honestly look at the calling you have with two young children and I just know I couldn't do what you are doing. You are a role model to everybody around you, whether they want to accept that or not!! What's that phrase: "I want to be like Deb." :):)
Oh man, I think what I just said sounded really bad. Maybe I shouldn't be a writer!!!
I just wanted to thank you for that wonderful cheesecake. I felt like I didn't really deserve it. I just hope you really enjoyed making it and that it wasn't too much trouble for you. But, thank you for thinking of me and for the comments you post on my blog. I really do appreciate the support I am getting from everybody through this tough time. It's actually nice to know that you have an idea of what I am going through. I know that if I need to talk to somebody about it, that you are there to understand. Thank you!!!
Debbie I can't even begin to tell you how much your friendship has meant to me. Getting to know you at college, and having you for a roommate at college was such a JOY! I loved how you always seemed to cheer up the room with your presence. I really admired how you always had such nice and funny things to say. And listening to you and Rachel sing.....I have to admit, I miss that SO much. Your spirit and soul just soared and shined through when you sang. I loved just being around you. You probably felt like I was such a tagalong cuz for the most part I probably was, but could you blame me for wanting to hang around such an amazing and fun up beat person all the time? Honestly, I really see you as my sister. All those college moments really made me grow so close to you. I have so many fond memories with you, in which you brought the best out of me, but I have this one I would like to share: When everyone was heading out for Thanksgiving break, I had no where to go. And was just going to hang out by myself, when you offered for me to go with you to your grandparents for Thanksgiving. I don't know if I ever told you, but I was so touched by your kindness. And I think that was on of my favorite Thanksgivings, even if it was at a hospital. It was so much Fun. Debbie I love you. I know that you have touched so many people's lives, including me. Keep that chin up and keep singing away those blues!
Um Hello!!!!!!! Do you recall about 2 1/2 years ago when you came to my house for a routine visiting teaching message???? You didn't even know what was coming. You and Heather walked in the door, sat down and said, "wow, Tiffany, you look great, have you been losing weight? What have you been doing to lose it?" Do you remember that? My comment: "it's called the 'my husband just left me with 2 kids and ran away with his mistress' diet." After consoling me for about 15 minutes so my tears were down to a controllable amount you and Heather left my house to get out and get things done for me. Within hours everything was taken care of; meals, babysitting, help with my calling, EVERYTHING. And to top it all of, what REALLY saved my life almost literally is what you brought me that very next day. I wasn't eating, I had lost about 20 pounds in a week and a half. You brought me this healthy shake fruity goodness drink. I said thank-you and went to put it in my fridge. Nope, you wouldn't have that. You wouldn't leave until I drank the whole thing. It really did save my life. I was weak and shaky and unable to even realize how bad it had really gotten. Before that shake, I think it had been about 3 days before I had even eaten anything. Thank you Debbie for all you did and continue to do.
Oh, and you make rockin' truffles!!!!
You were the one family Kiddo would let watch him for the LONGEST time - remember those times? You were always so helpful and willing to be there when I needed someone loving and reliable to watch him - especially someone he didn't constantly scream for, LOL!!! :-)
OH - AND that time you had me (w/ a very young Kiddo in tow) over for dinner, (haystacks - YUM!!!), just on the spot, while Hubby was gone? And you tutored me very patiently (and did so much of that nasty kneading...) when you taught me how to make that multi-grain bread...
Or that time you invited me over to watch Chicken Little for a girls' night; and the MANY times we were just able to talk? You're the only person I've really gotten to do that with, and I really appreciate it! :-)
Or maybe how we were your "test subjects" for truffle making. Ouch, woman, that hurt! LOL ;-)
Or, more recently - "letting" me (before I could object, and I'd never ask, LOL) hold Baby Macey when you already made a special effort to get over to Derek & Rachel's to see us before we left for home. That was really, really special. Thank you so much for being the wonderful, loving, aware, thoughtful woman that you are - I love you and really appreciate your friendship!!! :-)
I just remember the many nights as roomies that we would stay up late talking or blowing bubbles all over our room. We had so much fun that semester. And it was you who convinced Nathan I was a chicken so he had to ask me out. Just look at us 9 years later! You defianately made a difference here!
You wrote me the nicest thank you note one time. I kept it and still read it when I need a lift. Thanks. You have definitely made a difference in so many lives.
You are the ONLY person I have kept in contact with from the Millcreek ward, in Salt Lake. I think the reason for that is that you're so easy to talk to and so loving. You are one of the sweetest people I know. Plus, I think we have more in common then we think. You have this AMAZING voice that I could listen to over and over again. I was so moved that time you sang in church - the spirit was so strong. Although we don't get to see each other much I think we have a great email/blog relationship...lol. You're the best Deb and don't let anything get you down. If someone has a problem with you they need to get their head straightened out. Love ya lots! Shan.
I do the same thing you do! Avoid confrontation at all costs and run when I feel uncomfortable in my surroundings. I actually did move because of this problem. It was a big mistake and I learned the hard way to deal with things where I am and learned to care about what God wants me to do more than what others think about me. I had a hard time when Trent went on his mission that semester but you were always cheery and funny and that helped me alot! You probably didn't know that. Just like you touch lives all the time without realizing it. Just be yourself and sometimes, no matter what you do or how hard you try to help people, they take offense. That is their problem. They are choosing to act that way. Christ was PERFECT and he had plenty of enemies. Everybody always has somebody that doesn't like who they are. Just trust that doing your best is good enough for God and years down the road, (like children), they will remember you and your influence even if they didn't at the time. Your an awesome mother and person. Just remember the "down" feelings that everybody feels once in awhile are not from God. It helps me to read my patriarchal blessing when I feel down. Hope that helped. Love you Debbie...
Deb, I don't even know where to start. You are one of the most talented, sweet, gifted, compassionate, loving, thoughtful, grateful and beautiful people I know!!!!!! Your smile lights up the room and people are concerned when you don't have that smile. Even from that first time I talked to you I knew I wanted you for a friend. (even though I was completely intimidated by you!) I have watched as you supported your husband with his huge church calling and school full-time with never a word of complaint. I couldn't believe how patient you were with your trials. It was such an example to me of how a wife should support her husband. Then came Maryn and I watched as you became an example of motherhood. You loved her so completely even through the callenges. Your worry and concern for her just showed how much you loved her! Both your girls are so so lucky to have a mother like you! You always make me laugh too. You have this funny twist on life and you make so many people love you without even trying! I will NEVER forget the time the YW came over and cleaned my house before I had Dallin. There you were scrubbing MY floors and YOU were pregnant too, AND it was your BIRTHDAY!!!!! If that doesn't tell you what kind of person you are, I don't know what does! I miss you so much and wish I was there to help you, but I know what an amazing spirit you have and you will find a way to solve this dilemma. (even though I would REALLY like you to move back;) Take care sis.
Hey Deb, We are coming to Ogden on the 18th and we will be there for a week so if you truely are intrested in Lasie we would love to give her to you. She comes with a cat tree, 1 1/2 big bags of cat food, a kitty box, a carrier, 25lbs of liter, a liter box and scooper, and she was just into the vet and is up to date on her shots. Let me know. My email is msnhsacat@msn.com. Stacie
I have only known you for maybe a year now and I get sad thinking about there coming a time when one of us may move and we will not be neighbors. In the short time I have known you, you have made me dinner at least three times, when I really needed the help. You jumped to help me when I had to go to the hospital a few weeks ago and you were the first person I thought of to call. You call me weekly and check up on me and that means the world to me. I am truely blessed to have you in my life and be able to count you as a friend and be able to serve with you and see another side of you too. I am so proud of you and you are an inspiration to me in too many ways to even begin to name and keep in mind...I have only known you for a year. Your incredible and if anyone says different then they "do need help" and that is why you are not giving up on them! Love ya Deb!!
Debbie,
You are so amazing and a great example to so many. I especially looked to your example while we were in the singles ward together. You treated everyone at church with such a high respect. And a memory of you that I will NEVER forget is when Grandpa Jeffs spilled milk all over me at dinner one night. As soon as I opened my eyes you were the first thing I saw. You were in shock at what had happened and were kindly waiting to see how I would react. You wanted to laugh, but didn’t want to upset me I think your reaction helped me to make light of the situation.
It sounds like you have helped out so many people Debbie. You sacrafice your self for others and that is an amazing gift and not alot of of people have this humbling quality. I hope you know that I love being your sister in Law and am so greatful we have finally gotten to know each other.
As for good you have done for me...I remember for our wedding reception you came up and agreed to sing a song that you hadn't really practiced and it was a Celin Deon song which is so hard, as my father and I walked down the aisle for the ring ceremony. It was so beautiful that my Dad and I turned around after we reached the front to watch you finnish the song. It brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for giving me that moment with my father and then future husband (crying now..drop drop!)
I love how you and Donnie are close and even though most of the time I don't get to talk to you when you call...Donnie does, I always felt like I was part of the converstation.
Love you,
Christina
I haven't known you for very long but I do think that you are a wonderful person and anyone who says otherwise, doesn't know you. You are a great YW President you truely care for all of the girls. I hope that you start feeling better
Debbie, you are a very special person. When I was reading your post, it was funny the things you were thinking because I think the same way. I care too much what people think about me; I can't help it, we really must be related. Things that cheer me up is prayer or when someone takes the time to compliment me, so here goes. Your very fun to be around and have a likable personality. Your outgoing and have cute kids. I remember one time, I put a snake in the fridge to scare Mom and I ended up scaring you. Plus you have an amazing singing voice. Keep your chin up and keep smiling. Your beautiful when you smile.
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