Punishing with Love

Disciplining is not one of my strengths as a parent.  I usually rely on Matt quite a bit to be my voice of reason.  As the kids get older it gets increasingly difficult to figure out just what they need.  There are two things that will push me over the edge and into mean mommy mode.  Those two things are when another child intentionally hurts another and the other is being lied to.  When either of these things happen it's so hard to control your anger because you want to get your point across that kind of behavior is NOT OKAY.

Today I was in the kitchen and heard Macey screaming as I looked up she was falling the full length of our upstairs head over heels.  I rushed to her and just knew I was going to find something broken the way she fell.  I checked her over and everything seemed to be okay.  I asked her if she tripped down the stairs and her response was, no Maryn pushed me.  I looked upstairs and Maryn was no where in sight but a voice from Macey's room said, no I didn't she fell on her own I was in the room.  Sometimes Macey will just say that so I took it for face value and dropped it while I held her for a while.  A little while later I was talking to Macey about her falling and Maryn made a comment that she watched her fall down the stairs.  RED FLAG!!  I asked Maryn how could you watch her fall down the stairs if you were in nursery.  Ya know that look when someone is caught in a lie...well it was as plain as the expression on her face.  I probed a little further and absolutely lost it.  Come to find out Macey of course was pestering Maryn like she does best and she purposefully pushed Mace so she would fall down the stairs.  My heart sunk...how could my eldest child do this?!?!?!  I was so angered and disturbed I had to put Maryn in her room or else I was going to do something I regretted.  I called Matt just distraught.  He told me before I dished out any punishment to think about something fitting for the crime if there is anything.  I got off the phone had 15 minutes to calm down and think.  I have been praying like mad every day that I can be a good mother...it just doesn't come naturally like some women.  Finally I came up with a solution.  For the next week Maryn every night will have to read to Macey just after she cleans up the nursery and NO friends for the next week.  I might as well just have cut off her right arm.  I told her if you want I can just give you a good beating now and call it good but if I were you I'd take the reading and cleaning over that.

Just before bed tonight she asked why couldn't I just make it one day instead of seven.  I told her that she was missing the point.  If anything I want you to serve your sister this week so you can appreciate her more.  I saw a glimpse of hope while Maryn was reading to Mace tonight but we have a long 7 days ahead.

I'll just shut my eyes for a second...

I know better than to give in to my heavy eyes.  Today I put both the babies down sat down and read with Maryn and my eyes were getting so heavy that I thought, sure, I'll just rest my eyes just for a second and TWO HOURS LATER I wake up to my phone ringing.  But it's not the good waking up.  It's the, I know the phone is ringing mentally but physically I can't move.  UGH!!!  Usually I can shake it off and be just fine but no luck today.  I was gonna start on Mason's baby blanket and would've had a REALLY nice start.  I'm running out of time and gotta get that sucker made before his first birthday, amongst other things that will be creeping up in the near future.  My body has been taking the brunt of my mind racing and boy it doesn't manifest well.  Gotta stop thinking so my body can function normally without having an anxiety ridden rotten tummy and sluggishness for the next little while. So much to do, so little time!

This is buddy guy longingly looking outside wishing he could play.  If only the rain, snow, sleet, wind and thunderstorms would ease up enough to do so.

Refusing to be a Consumer Victim

Almost every month there is a holiday.  And almost every month it seems like stores are trying to get you to dump a crud load of money into that holiday.  I REFUSE to be a consumer victim this year.  You go in only to get baskets then you walk away with buying plastic eggs, grass, a cute little fuzzy bunny that was calling your name, an egg dying kit and to top it all off expensive chocolate eggs that your waistline didn't need in the first place and then your pocketbook is in the hole.  My kids thrash there baskets each year so I decided to make them out of the craft paper I'm trying to go through, graham cracker boxes and modge podge.  I'm kind of proud of my sturdy little baskets.  I went to find the left over grass that I got sucked into buying last year only to find out the kids didn't thrash there baskets but instead I bought those huge plastic buckets and actually kept them in storage.  OOPS!!!  First thought...do I tell Matt or not.  OH WELL...told him on the phone and he asked me if I was sad I wasted all that time...nope because the kids were helping me and I think they turned out cute.  Besides these are smaller than the other buckets so we won't have to put as much candy and regret the sugar crash later in the day.  If I have some time I learned how to make these little fabric flowers.  I'd like to put the fabric flowers on the side of the handle.  We'll see...so much to do so little time!!

And do you remember that DOOZY OF A CAKE!!!  Here is that cake.  Just so you get an idea how high this puppy is I'll give you a sneak peak inside.  Matt's favorite...carrot cake.

This was his dessert before he left for Lost Wages(Las Vegas).  Either I'm going to make my hubby gain 50 pounds or else I'm going to clog his arteries and bring down all my friends health while I'm at it.  This is a Brownie on the bottom with chocolate in the middle with a creamy mousse on top.

Funny moments of the day

Some of the funniest moments(and sometimes the most frustrating) are most often than not at the dinner table.  For those of you who have regular family dinner you know what I'm talking about.  For those of you who don't...YOU'RE MISSING OUT!!!  Go eat as a family because you'll never get that time back once your kids are grown!!  Enough said!  Anyway...last night at the dinner table the kids did pretty well eating so they each got a scoop of ice cream.  Daddy was busy feeding our little voracious eater buddy guy while the other kids were smackin' their lips eating their ice cream.  Matt and I looked up at the same time when Macey decided to grab the salt shaker and douse her ice cream with salt.  Simultaneously Matt and I said "Macey".  Matt told her that she was going to still have to eat that.  So, Miss Macey Face took a huge bite of ice cream with a Cheshire cat grin on her face.

We waited.

Mind you she was smiling this whole time.  In a few seconds the salt taste hit and still with a smile on her face she closed her eyes slowly but briefly as she swallowed.  She giggled as she looked at us then ate the rest of her ice cream.  I wish I could have been recording this all go down it was hilarious!!  This kid is bulletproof.  This is the kid that loves tabasco sauce, LOVES horseradish sauce and loves hot salsa.

Also, later that night Macey was pestering Buddy as always so buddy started swinging at her.  Macey was repeating "OW! OW! Buddy NO!" while Mason put the hurt on her and out of it came Buddy's first word "OW" not once but twice.  These two were destined to be brother and sister.

Why is today so happy, you ask?

Today is a happy day because our Daddy is coming home this evening from being gone for 8 days.  We've missed him dearly and so excited to see him.  We have a few surprises for him when he comes home.  I typically don't like to blog about my husband being gone because it's scary enough being on your own without the protection and security from your husband.  Sweet Macey face has missed him the most I think.  Everyday she would ask where he is then would say, oh yah, he's on an airplane.  We're proud of him for passing the test he went to take and looking forward to having him home for a few days to goof off!!  I'm very grateful for friends and family that have watched over us this past week and checking in to make sure that I've remained somewhat sane.  I'm a very lucky girl to be so loved.  Now I'm off to bake a cake and this one will be a doozy!!!  MU HA HA HA HA HA  You know I can't do anything simple.

Good, Better, Best

I've been placed with a decision I have to make in my life that involves my quality of life(so to speak) and I've been given three options.  All the three options have varying outcomes and what it boils down to is do I want the quality of my life to be just good, a little better or the best that it can possibly be.  I know what I need to choose but the best solution is going to be the most painful.  You think after having 2 babies completely drug free pain would elude me...not so the case.  I know if I choose what could be just good for the time being later down the road maybe it wouldn't have been the best decision in the long run.  So how do you weigh your quality of life?  Do we settle for what could just be good and maybe the less painful route or do you face what is at hand close your eyes and choose what's best and hope for the best possible outcome.  The conference talk regarding good, better, best has stuck with me for a while.  It was given back in 2007 by Elder Oaks.  I think it can apply to any decision we have to be making.  Doesn't make it any easier having to choose things that will be hard in the interim though.  I believe my choice is made though but even that doesn't make it any easier.

*sidenote*  I'm anxious for tomorrow to come!!!  Happy day tomorrow!!!!  I'll explain why in a later post.

The worrywort in all of us

I think everyone has some level of worry that affects all of us.  Some of it is legit and at other times it's useless worry.  I was reading the news(yes Matt, I actually read something) and this article caught my eye.  The article originally had the heading about being a worry wort and I never thought I was until my hubby pointed out some things that I do.  Most of my things are useless worry and it's very difficult to control.

When I was a little younger in years I used to have the hardest time falling asleep because I would replay my WHOLE day back and re visit every conversation.  The reason being I was so worried about offending people, then it would lead to obsessive worrying wondering if people took things the wrong way.  After being a mom I'm so exhausted at the end of the day I'm lucky to even remember what I actually did that day but there are many instances still where I worry about what I've said to people.  It's more so things I say to women than men.  The few times where I think I've offended a guy I go back and apologize and they don't even think twice.  But women they are different, they are complex.  We are so complex that we ourselves don't know what we're thinking half the time.  Hubby gets so frustrated when he can tell something is wrong and I can't even tell him because I don't know or I can't put it into words. 

What kind of life is it to stew in our worry about what other people think or thinking what you think they are thinking?  Things can be misconstrued in so many ways so why do we put ourselves through it?  One can not be truly happy if we are constantly worrying about every aspect of our life or lack of.  One point in the article mentioned that  "Worry is when your thoughts are stuck on the problem. Thinking is when you are focused on finding a solution. Worry is useless and counterproductive—thinking is progress."  I really like that quote in the article.  They go into a little further detail about that quote but action people!!!  Do something about the things we can change and get rid of the other stuff.

For me, I have my reasons.  I never had a lot of friends growing up and I was always scared that I would say the wrong things to drive them away.  I was very wrongly judged and sometimes those insecurities take some time and healing to get over.  I was an awkward kid and social conversations wasn't my strong suit.  But it doesn't mean that your life has to be controlled by these worries.  I think one of the hardest things to learn in life is to let things go.  Especially with the stuff you can't control.  Finding out how to let go is the trick.  We spend so much of our time and energy worrying about things we can't change we miss the bigger picture and stunt our growth for happiness.  The article has some really good suggestions in it.  Hopefully you can pick things out that might give you a boost.

I shouldn't really post at night because you'll get an insight of what I randomly think about.  Kind of scary huh?!?!

Ghost from the past

April 11th, which is coming up marks the day that Grandpa passed away last year.  It was 75 days after my Grandmother passed that he joined her.  I can only imagine the reunion that they had in heaven being able to have full use of their respective bodies and not be in pain anymore.  Last week I got a surprise package in the mail and noticed the returned address was from my Uncle in Washington.  I opened it up immediately having no clue what was inside.  When I opened it up my heart started pounding and I started getting that familiar lump in my throat...the one I always try to suppress when I'm starting to get emotional and this is what I found.

To some this may seem odd but to me it's beautiful!  Let me explain.  Years before my grandmother passed she was slowly giving things away.  I was the recipient of a lot of her yarn because she knew I crocheted.  I made good use of the extra yarn by making hats for the kids and scarves.  She had this particular yarn that she wanted to hang on to because she had started a project that she wanted to finish.  Knowing how fast my Grandma's health was declining I feared that she would never be able to accomplish what she wanted to finish so I asked for the pattern at least.  I wanted to make one for her on my own but with having babies back to back that didn't end up happening.  It's a rainbow blanket or also referred to as a promise blanket.  She got a good amount of the base of the blanket done but was never able to complete it.  How on earth my Uncle knew that I would be able to do it is beyond me but I'll work her panels into the blanket.  I've been crocheting my whole life and have nothing to show for it because I ALWAYS give my work away.  I've never kept any of my blankets.  I think this may be one that I will have to hold on to.

Other news of the week, my dear sweet Macey face got her first piggies put in and I think by the smile on her face you can tell that she liked them.  I prepped her to say to everyone she saw that she was cute.  In her little whisper voice that's exactly what she did saying, "I Cute".  Isn't she just beautiful!!!!

Snuggled in on a Saturday Night

I'm cozy in my bed borrowing hubby's little notebook as we're all snuggled under our covers watching the snow fall outside from the porch window in Clifton.  It's amazing to me that yesterday the girls and I were enjoying beautiful sunny weather as we played in the park and then the next can be so frigid cold.  You have to love Eastern Idaho. 

I braved coming to Clifton this weekend on my own with all 3 kids.  Insane you might think but worth it.  It's always nice to be with family.  Matty is studying for a grueling Engineering test this upcoming week and had a ridiculous amount of pages to scour over.  So, instead of trying to keep the kids quiet we decided to come visit Grandpa and Grandma.  When we pulled up Friday, Grandpa immediately took the girls out on a four wheeler ride a little ways up the mountain.  And Maryn and Macey have been playing with cousins non stop with only minor bumps and bruises endured.  When you get 25+ people in a household you have to expect someone getting knocked over sooner or later.  Thank goodness Macey is a tough little girl.  She was used as a bowling pin on the stairs along with her cousin as her other cousin decided to throw the exercise ball down the stairs.  Just lovely!

  Remember our little money saga the other day?  Well, I think Maryn and I finally got things hashed out and she decided to save her money for Papa Jay's.  Papa Jay's is the only little market in Clifton and the Murdocks keep them gainfully employed.  It's the kids favorite place in the whole wide world.  Plus they make some of the best jerkey I've ever had.  I think the Teriyaki Jerkey is probably one I favor the most.  If you're ever passing through Clifton for whatever reason stop in a get some jerkey you won't be disappointed.  Maryn came out of there with her tootsie roll bag and special candies very proud that she paid for everything herself.  She wanted to blow all of her money but I told her not to blow all of it because you never know when you might need to use it.

Looking forward to seeing hubby tomorrow.  Kind of miss him.  I'm enjoying listening to conference and anxious to be able to hear the rest of the speakers tomorrow.  Such great talks today!!!  Of our faith or not everyone in the world could benefit from the uplifting counsel given.