Punishing with Love

Disciplining is not one of my strengths as a parent.  I usually rely on Matt quite a bit to be my voice of reason.  As the kids get older it gets increasingly difficult to figure out just what they need.  There are two things that will push me over the edge and into mean mommy mode.  Those two things are when another child intentionally hurts another and the other is being lied to.  When either of these things happen it's so hard to control your anger because you want to get your point across that kind of behavior is NOT OKAY.

Today I was in the kitchen and heard Macey screaming as I looked up she was falling the full length of our upstairs head over heels.  I rushed to her and just knew I was going to find something broken the way she fell.  I checked her over and everything seemed to be okay.  I asked her if she tripped down the stairs and her response was, no Maryn pushed me.  I looked upstairs and Maryn was no where in sight but a voice from Macey's room said, no I didn't she fell on her own I was in the room.  Sometimes Macey will just say that so I took it for face value and dropped it while I held her for a while.  A little while later I was talking to Macey about her falling and Maryn made a comment that she watched her fall down the stairs.  RED FLAG!!  I asked Maryn how could you watch her fall down the stairs if you were in nursery.  Ya know that look when someone is caught in a lie...well it was as plain as the expression on her face.  I probed a little further and absolutely lost it.  Come to find out Macey of course was pestering Maryn like she does best and she purposefully pushed Mace so she would fall down the stairs.  My heart sunk...how could my eldest child do this?!?!?!  I was so angered and disturbed I had to put Maryn in her room or else I was going to do something I regretted.  I called Matt just distraught.  He told me before I dished out any punishment to think about something fitting for the crime if there is anything.  I got off the phone had 15 minutes to calm down and think.  I have been praying like mad every day that I can be a good mother...it just doesn't come naturally like some women.  Finally I came up with a solution.  For the next week Maryn every night will have to read to Macey just after she cleans up the nursery and NO friends for the next week.  I might as well just have cut off her right arm.  I told her if you want I can just give you a good beating now and call it good but if I were you I'd take the reading and cleaning over that.

Just before bed tonight she asked why couldn't I just make it one day instead of seven.  I told her that she was missing the point.  If anything I want you to serve your sister this week so you can appreciate her more.  I saw a glimpse of hope while Maryn was reading to Mace tonight but we have a long 7 days ahead.