I'm drawing a blank

I have sat down a handful of times trying to write a blog post but the words have eluded me.  It's Spring break and we have little snow flurries swirling all around.  I've been filling my time mostly taking care of my family but I've managed to squeeze in some long overdue projects that have needed to be finished.  Things have been rather busy but just normal day to day stuff so I have been drawing a blank every time I sit down to write.

I've noticed I have had a little bit of home sickness.  Never in my life have I ever felt this.  It all started when I saw a picture of Mt. Rainier and then there has been this commercial playing sending subliminal messages to take a vacation to Seattle.  I long to be around the area where I grew up.  It's a beautiful magical place and will always be home.  After a while if you're from Washington you long for the green and the trees and all the bodies of water.  It's just breathtaking.  Seven years is too long to be away.

I've finally finished with my physical therapy.  I'm not back to normal by any means and the rest is up to me to try to keep what I've gained.  I have to live with the fact that I will always be in some degree of discomfort when it comes to my knees but it's stable now.  I wish I could go back in time and not play basketball the season that I hurt it.  I actually had the choice not to play but didn't want to listen to the advice that was given to me.  I had mono and missed the first 2 weeks of practice.  But who's to say it wouldn't have eventually happened.  Hubby is always trying to teach me not to live in the past because you can't change.  Something I'm trying to be better at.

I'm at an interesting place in my life...a good place.  All my babies will be in some sort of schooling next year and I need to figure out what I want to do when I grow up.  There is the responsible thing to do and probably what I should do versus what I would love to do.  I feel like I'm a little late in the game to actually do what I want and need to be responsible but a nagging feeling keeps the fire alive for what I want.  Is it possible to have both?  That's what I'm trying to figure out.  I have lived my whole life in fear that I have ended up doing nothing and that is failure in itself that I haven't even tried.  So much of my life I have lived in fear that I don't want to be held captive anymore.  I want the inside person to be the person I portray on the outside.  It's funny what we let people see and what we struggle with inside.  In the end it really doesn't matter what we do as long as we just DO IT and not look back.  I am so good at helping people see their own potential and being so positive for them I need to do that for myself also.  Baby steps!

And this concludes my random ramblings for today.  I'll leave you with some lyrics of one of my songs...it helps me through the day.

"One hand to the future, one hand on my holster.  I'll fight you and get through with determination.  One step closer, the fantasy's over.  Breaking through to my destination in life"